So, the rumors are true...

Good news travels fast it seems. We "went public" with the exciting news just yesterday, so we haven't had a chance to tell everyone yet, and mom kind of "scooped" us on facebook (fair enough though, we told her it's not a giant secret now).  So here's confirmation... the rumors are true.

February 20, 2011

April 18, 2011

"Pshaw," you might say. "Brianna's just getting thicker around the middle. I develop food babies all the time and you don't see me posting pictures on my blog" 

Well, here's some month-old proof that that isn't just a food belly I've been developing:

(As this child's mother, I'd like to mention again that this is a month old picture. We saw evidence on Wednesday that baby has, since the time this picture was taken, developed long arms and legs, a bladder, lips, a nose, and according to the doctor, a very impressive diaphragm that was visible across the room.) 

More details later... 

(I can't come up with a good title for this...)

My grandpa passed away on Sunday...

He was in the last stage of Parkinson's disease. He had been declining steadily over the last year, and in January, he started a hospice program. I started making plans to visit him the 2nd weekend of the month... it seemed like there would be enough time to put my trip off that long.

Last Tuesday (my birthday), my dad called to say that I should change my travel plans, and come to California to see him as soon as possible. His pain from severe muscle cramping (PD related) had become very bad, and the medication he was starting to take would cause him to be mostly unconscious. On top of that, he had started showing signs of dementia. Later that week, his pain worsened, his breathing became more labored, his kidneys started to shut down. He was moved from home to a hospice facility to better manage his pain. Calls went out that the end was coming faster than expected, and the family gathered at the hospice facility late Friday night/early Saturday morning as they arrived from southern California. He was somewhat alert then, when his pain medication wore off. He'd talk (as much as someone with stage 5 PD can; it's hard to form words at that point, so my aunt, his caregiver, interpreted)... but after 10-15 minutes, he'd say his pain was worse and ask for more medication. The medication would make him sleep again.

Saturday morning, he asked who was there, who was coming, and when they would be there. We held his hands, rubbed his feet to warm them, talked to him. 

He had barely eaten in days, and hadn't had anything to drink either... he hadn't wanted it and no one forced him to. His body wasn't processing oxygen as well, and he ran a low fever. When you asked him how he was doing, he always responded with his usual "pretty good." But, not long after, he would say he was ready to go. It made sense. During the last year, he had promised to come to my wedding, go to my cousin's wedding, celebrate his 60th wedding anniversary, and move to a new house so that my grandma would be in a safer neighborhood when he was gone and she was by herself. And he did all that. At his age, and with the suffering he was going through, there wasn't much reason to keep fighting. 

Most of the family was able to spend Saturday at the hospice facility with him. Groups of 5 or 6 family members rotated in and out of his room. At 6pm, some had to leave to go home, and as they made their goodbyes, he woke up, and started asking for certain family members. This started a process where each person had a moment or 2 alone with him, and he used what energy he had to hug each person one last time. At Grandma's turn, he said thank you for being such a good wife to him, and she thanked him for being a good husband. It was painful to watch him say goodbye to my cousins, aunts, uncles... and it was hard to give him what I knew would be the last hug I'd ever give him... but it was beautiful. Not everyone gets the chance to say goodbye like that, and I'm so grateful that grandpa was able to have that time to say goodbye to each of us. 

We thought... hoped, prayed even... that he might pass Saturday night. We had all said goodbye, and there was closure. But, he hung on through Sunday... his soul was willing to leave, but the body was too strong, I guess. 

My flight back to Seattle was scheduled for 9:00pm Sunday night, and most of the family left throughout the day. By noon, the only ones left were my dad, 3 aunts, my uncle, and my grandma. (One of my cousins came and went, too.)  I spent hours holding his hand and talking to him. He was alert for 5 minutes or so on Sunday morning, and my dad was able to put a phone to his ear so one of my cousins was able to say goodbye. He was able to speak a little (again, with my aunt translating his mumbling). That was the last time you could clearly see he was alert and he was visibly in pain again. That afternoon, there would be periods of 2 minutes or so where he would respond to noise-- a flickering of his eyes at someone's voice, or a little jerk of hand when someone coughed. I spent hours holding his hand Sunday, and when I wasn't, my aunt or my dad held his hand. Hopefully, he knew someone who loved him was there until the end; hopefully that gave him some comfort.

Thinking he could still hang on for 48 hours or more, and that I'd already made my goodbyes, I kept my plans to come home that night. I kissed his forehead one more time, and (not knowing what else to say), said I loved him.  An hour and a half after I left to the airport, dad called to say that his breathing had changed. The doctor said it was the type that usually started an hour or two before death, so the end was finally near. 25 minutes later, he called to say grandpa had passed. When grandpa died, my dad and my aunt held his hand. Another aunt cheered him on and said "You did it! You did what you wanted to do!" What she meant was that he'd been ready for hours, and his body had finally given in to what he was so ready for. His suffering was over. 

****** (This is probably more detail than most would share, but writing it out was cathartic to me, and it was also a beautiful, but incredibly difficult experience. Death is hard, but beautiful, and I don't think I understood how beautiful an experience it can be until this weekend, even when it comes with so much pain. The blog is about our life as a family, and reality isn't always sunshine and rainbows.  Bad times make the good that much more precious.  And yes, I'm ok... I got my appetite back tonight, so hooray for eating again.) 

This turtle's gone to heaven...

Tom plays hide and seek this summer

Kenneth and I had a running joke about how Tom the turtle was going to be left to our children in our will. You see, box turtles of his variety tend to live 40-60 years in captivity. Some even live 80 years. That's a long, long time for a family pet. Particularly for one who never really bonded with his people.

Kenneth picked out Tom the turtle when he was 7 years old. When you're 7, turtles are really cool. (There's a lesson here: Never let your children pick out a pet until you have researched their lifespans.)   Since turtles are often sold back to pet stores by their owners, and Tom was full grown when Kenneth got him, it's not entirely clear how old he was. Or even if he was indeed, a "he." Anyway, Tom had a happy, uneventful 22 years with Kenneth's family and with us. He was always afraid of people, and when he was taken to get some sun and Vitamin D (it's supposed to be good for turtle shells and skin), he would seek places to hide (like under a bush in the picture above). He was not, what you would call, a social creature.

In October, Tom started eating less and less, until he barely ate anything in a week. Then it got to the point that he didn't eat at all. He seemed to be hibernating, but he had never done that before, and his tank was still being heated to at least 65 degrees every day (which should have prevented any hibernating). Still, he became less and less active. We checked on him on Saturday, and he didn't seem to be doing well. His eyes were sinking and he was lethargic. He barely tried to hide in his shell when he was picked up. We gave him a bath, he drank some water (as usual for bath time) and we gave him some food. He didn't keep anything down, and we talked about taking him to the vet the next day. (At the time, we were getting ready to attend a funeral for one of Kenneth's co-workers.) The next morning, his eyes were sunk in, and he was unresponsive. He could have been mistaken for hibernating, but his eyes were too sunk in and he didn't wake up in water (as he would have if he had been hibernating). It was clear that he had gone to the big forest in the sky.

We buried him in Kenneth's parents' backyard Sunday. Kenneth briefly eulogized on how he "never made it to the Galapagos like he always wanted..."  I felt like Auld Lang Syne should be in playing faintly in the background, but I wasn't about to sing.  Thinking Tom needed something, I placed some fallen pine branches on his grave.  Juniper, oblivious to the solemnity of the occasion, watched the whole thing with a clueless grin. After a moment of silence, we went walked back into the house. It was a simple, fitting end to a humble, perpetually frightened turtle.

Rest in peace, Tom "T-Dizzle" Turtleman. 1989?-2011

Weeping wax and happy tears

Last week, Kenneth and I opened a package wrapped in blue and brown ribbon to find this:

I'm such a sap, so I'm sure this isn't shocking, but I actually teared up a little when we opened the package and saw what it was. It's an incredible weeping wax "painting" made by one of Kenneth's mom's friends. Since the picture doesn't do it justice, I'll explain a little of what's in the piece. There's a picture of Kenneth and I from our engagement pictures (thanks again for taking those, mom!), and a picture of my church. On the bottom, she pulled our proposal story off of our wedding website and put it next to the picture of us. In the middle is the cover from our programs. At the top is 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 ("Love is patient, love is kind...") in Italian. There are little crystals here and there, and a crystal cross on top of the picture of the church. And at the top, is a silver heart with "Love" on it.  You can't see the sides, but they are covered in a beautiful floral fabric or paper with wax covering it.  I'm amazed by how much thought went into it. It was obviously made with care to be something meaningful for us, and we're both grateful and amazed by it. I'm still finding little details I didn't notice before. Love it!

By the way, if you want to see more artwork done by Kenneth's mom's friend, you can click here.

Love is not merely a feeling...

Found this quote, and thought I'd share. It's probably one most married couples can relate to, but it's something that didn't sink in for me until around the time we were engaged. 

No, this doesn't have anything to do with the quote below. It's just the most recent "family" photo, and blog posts are more fun with pictures. 

"Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called “being in love” usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending “They lived happily ever after” is taken to mean “They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,” then it says what probably never was nor ever could be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships?

But, of course, ceasing to be “in love” need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense–love as distinct from “being in love”–is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be “in love” with someone else.

“Being in love” first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise.

It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."

—Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis

The December Challenge

After our more-expensive-than-usual Costco trip on Friday, Kenneth suggested a challenge: no more shopping at the grocery store for dinner items during the month of December. The first reason is that we had to throw away a few boxes of food that had expired without ever being opened-- what a waste!-- to make room for our Costco purchases. And these were "non-perishables"-- like Bisquick that was 2 years past expiration. The second reason is that I have this problem with stockpiling food-- I hate it when I find myself in the mood to cook or bake something, and I have no supplies on hand to make the thing when inspiration strikes. I take always being prepared seriously. So, we have tons of food on hand as it is, and while I think Kenneth was half kidding, I thought we might as well try it.

Here's what we're starting with. I took these to have a sort of "before and after"... Here's hoping our cupboards will be more bare on January 1.

"Pantry" cupboard: Potatoes, TONS of pistachios, tuna, quinoa (that only one of us eats-- one of us being me), and lasagna noodles of questionable age.

Spices/baking supply cupboard: I can pretty much bake anything from what's in here. Pumpkin bread ... brownies... cinnamon rolls ... chocolate chip cookies -- I'm ready for anything. You know what this means, right? Cinnamon rolls for dinner!

Freezer-- this is probably the number one reason why we might actually get through the rest of the month without buying any supplies for dinner. In here, we have chicken, pulled pork, fruit and veggies, meatballs, halibut, homemade and store bought marinara... and 3 gallons of ice cream (Safeway had a sale. FYI: When it's snowing outside and you buy 3 gallons of ice cream, people seem to think that's kind of weird). Oh, and 72 frozen cookies. It's way too full, and action must be taken. Starting with the eggnog ice cream.

Storage closet, where you will find yoga mats, office supplies, 2 jars of marinara, 2 bags of pasta, 1 can of chicken stock, instant breakfast, and a giant jar of peanut butter. And dog food. We won't be eating that.

And, so we can be cool like all those celebrities on Cribs, here's what's in our fridge: 3 pounds of spinach ($4 at Costco), lots of beverages, cream cheese, parmesan cheese, cheddar cheese... more cheese...half an onion, almond butter, and a dozen eggs.  Very exciting stuff in here.

Then we have the refrigerator door--- which is a little frightening. At the moment, I'm not sure which of the things in here are expired. But I do know the orange juice, wine, fish sauce, and butter are all A-OK. Which means I'll be making lots of... um... I'm not really sure what.

We're not going to take this too seriously-- but it will be fun to see how things go. Mostly I'm excited to free up some freezer space... so I can put more ice cream in it. Hehe.

P.S.--- The post about the Christmas cards yesterday was part of a promotion with Shutterfly. Bloggers who post about Shutterfly holiday cards get 50 free Christmas cards. If you're behind the ball like me, and still need to get your Christmas cards, click here for more information on how you can get some free cards too. 

Our First Christmas (Cards)

While Kenneth and I have now been dating, engaged, or married through 4 Christmases now, I'm finding myself very excited about our first Christmas as a married couple. We started dating late in the year that first year together, so we didn't spend that Christmas together, but we have ever since then. But there are some things that make this Christmas a little different. For one, this will be our first Christmas spent together in California. There are other firsts too...

First Christmas ornaments...

How pretty would one of these be with our names and "Our First Christmas" printed on it be?

Or this one...

Then, this will be our first Christmas cards sent as a married couple. I can't tell you how excited I am to sign some cards from "Brianna and Kenneth." Something about sending Christmas cards out together seems so very... "we're our own new family." (Descriptive, right?) Anyway, the added bonus is that it's a great way to share wedding pictures. (Ha! You thought you were done seeing them!)

I've been considering a few different places for ordering cards-- there are SO many out there right now-- but after playing with Shutterfly's system and getting used to it while working on some wedding albums, I'm leaning pretty heavily towards using Shutterfly for Christmas cards. Maybe this picture...

Thanks to my incredibly talented friend Carina for capturing this moment!

With one of these designs...

I love that if we chose this one, 10% of the proceeds go to Heifer International-- one of the charities we regularly support anyway. I'm a sucker for anything that supports a charity somehow, even more so when it's a great cause like Heifer International.

But, I love that this one gives us the option to show a couple of pictures, and this one helps you do it in a fun way...

 

I love that even though the aqua and red color combo isn't usually a Christmas color, it still seems wintry and fun--- it still seems Christmas-y.

Or, maybe in keeping with the "Our First Christmas" thing-- we'll go with this one because it has the same scritp-y font feel that would have gone with our wedding cake, and the colors are pretty close too. And look at all the different pictures we could share on just one card!

I'm having a hard time picking one, and Christmas is only 20 days away! Eek! Which one do you think we should go with?