The Deciders

Kenneth and I have the same religion, similar values, similar priorities, and the same long-term financial goals. We have some differences too-- decorating styles (Kenneth's eagle bookends vs. my victorian fashion prints), food preferences (I'm soy friendly, he is soy hostile. He likes beef, I'm Bessie averse), and of course, as we've figured out during the wedding planning process, we have different styles of decision making.

I make decisions quickly, and mostly on my own. Case in point: I decided on my dress during my first wedding dress shopping trip, the first week of our engagement. Easy peasy, done in a day.  Sure, sometimes my decisions don't yield the best results, but 9 times out of 10, things work out perfect or close enough for me to live with. Furthermore, I don't always follow the quick decision route either, but quick, gut-based decisions are my go-to kind of decisions. There's usually solid logic behind it, really, it's just that my gut works quicker than my brain. I'm a gut decision maker, and using this and other instances as my proof, I'm thinking my gut is pretty accurate.* I'm what you'd call, a decider.

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As for Kenneth-- well, he's a decider too. But a different kind. He weighs all the options objectively, puts lots of careful consideration into thinking through the consequences and rewards of each option, talks it over with a few trusty advisors and mentors, then goes for it. He's the kind of guy you'd want to be president someday. I'd put an example here, but it's late and an example he'd be ok with me sharing just isn't coming to mind. In the end, his method is trusty, reliable, and by far the wisest. Just not my style.

Normally, this is fine. We each go about our day making lots of decisions and everything's peachy-keen. But when our decision making styles collide, as they do often in wedding planning...

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Ok, it usually doesn't never looks like that. But it is a challenge. We're working on creating a decision making style that's new and different, uniquely us.  Our wedding is the guinea pig... Oooo, we have to choose a baker to make our cake. How do we go about it-- is our priority the cost or the taste? Hey, we need to decide on a rehearsal venue. What factor do we need to talk over first-- the personality of the caterer or the aesthetics of the venue?  Not that we didn't include each other in decision making before, but this is a whole new ball-game.  It really is OUR life now. We're co-pilots steering us down a new, unfamiliar road, rather than strolling hand-in-hand along parallel paths as we were before we were engaged. We're slower at making decisions together, but we're inexperienced and new to this. Like a toddler learning to walk, we can't be expected to make decisions together perfectly or quickly--yet. But before you know it, we'll be running with the best of them. And then, watch out, America. A couple of new deciders are in town.

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*Although any scientist worth their salt would punch more holes in that proof than a slice of Swiss cheese.

In 100 days (or "A Confession")

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In 100 days, we're going to be Mr & Mrs... but Mr. & Mrs. what?

Last weekend, over drinks with a couple friends at City Grill in Portland (yay for happy hour!), I took a deep breath, and made a confession. "I'm going to change my last name." I knew I was taking a risk saying this to one of my friends. You have to understand-- she's not just any friend-- she's the friend to whom I gave my copy of the Feminine Mystique. We bond over our feminism, competition, and MUN. Clearly, I had some explaining to do. So just how did this self-proclaimed feminist decide to change her name?

1. 
   
   
    To be honest, I've never really loved my last name. Or, rather, I'm not totally wild about my name coupled with my last name-- they're well enough on their own. Maybe because of that, I've always felt like my identity was far more closely tied to my first name, so I don't feel like I'm losing any part of myself by changing my last name.
   
   
2. 
   
   
   Sooooo....I'm not actually planning on changing my last name as I am tacking on another last name. My name will become Brianna Nicole J H. Why have just 1 middle name when I can have 2? Lots of women make their maiden name their middle name when they take their husband's last name, but I like my middle name. And maybe it's pride or something but I just couldn't bring myself to drop my last name entirely.
   
   
3. 
   
   
   It's kind of exciting to change my last name. I'm starting a new chapter in my life, and often new chapters are associated with changes to our name. We get a degree, or start a career in a certain field and suddenly our names get things like "Ph.D." and "Reverand" attached to them. So why not a name change when we start a new life with someone? I'm all in favor of those couples where both partners change their name. But that's not something that's interesting to Kenneth, so I'm not pushing it. Besides... what would he change his name to? Would he become a J-H or a H-J? Would we switch last names and take each other's? Would we come up with some fantastic combination of the letters in our names? My head hurts with all the possibilities.
   
   
4. 
   
   
   I'm young. If I were older and had established myself more in business as Brianna J, then I would have other feelings I'm sure. But since I haven't gone too far in my career yet, I don't think I'll confuse too many people by going by another name, but just in case...
   
   
5. 
   
   
   When necessary, during the first year or 2, I can hyphenate when I feel like it might be helpful for people get that Brianna J = Brianna J-H = Brianna H. Granted, legally, my name won't be the hyphenated one, but how often at work do people ask you if the name you sign your emails with is, in fact, your legal name? Didn't think it was that often. So, for a while, my name will be J-H, and just when people get used to it, I'll drop Johnston. Keep people on their toes and all that. :)
   
   

It wasn't enough to make my friends happy, but that's ok sometimes. I'm happy with my decision that in 100 days, when we see you at the church, we'll become Mr. & Mrs. H.  (Y'know, except for those rare times when we're  Mr. H & Mrs. J-H.)