Weaning

When X was born, Kenneth and I wanted X to be breastfed. I'll be honest, most of my motivation came from 2 sources: the fact that breast milk is free and the convenience of breastfeeding vs bottles. Yes, breast is best and there's lots of scientific evidence for why, but I also know too many people who were formula fed and/or choose to formula feed their babies to feel like breastfeeding is the only acceptable way to raise a healthy, happy child.

One happy baby-- breastfed for 12 months!

It was A LOT of work early on-- breastfeeding is HARD, even though it seems like it should be so easy and natural. I don't think it stopped being a chore (and sometimes even stressful) until X was 2.5 months old. And I'll be honest, I definitely had some resentment to work through. ("Ugh, this sucks. I have a baby attached to my chest around the clock, night and day, but Kenneth gets to do stuff like EAT and SLEEP and GO TO THE BATHROOM WHEN HE NEEDS TO.")  

But I'm really glad we stuck with it. The lazy side of me has looooooooved that I've never had to pack a bottle and formula in the diaper bag, that I could nurse him quicker than I could make a bottle, that I've never had to run to the store to buy formula. I love that X has enjoyed nursing, that it comforted him in ways that nothing else-- not even the pacifier-- could. And I loved being that source of comfort. And, while my health was far from being my sole motivation, the fact that I lost the baby weight pretty quickly and easily, and that my lifetime cancer risks are lower, all because we breastfed for as long as we did-- well, that's icing on the cake.

But a week ago, 1 week after his birthday, I decided it was time to let X choose whether to wean or not. The goal was to make it to a year, and I was bound and determined to make that happen if I could.  But, X had been showing less and less interest in nursing over the last 3 months or so, and I knew he would move on if I let him. So, once we got to the one year mark, and a supply of new sippy cups arrived from Amazon, I switched to a "don't offer, don't refuse" policy. And after that, he quickly weaned himself. He has even learned and started using the baby sign for "milk" in less than a week. We've gone 3 days now without nursing at all, and I have no more milk to offer, even if X wanted to nurse. (Although I do have a respectable freezer stash that we're now mixing in with his cow milk, and it will probably last us another month or 2.)

The last day X clearly and excitedly asked to nurse: the day we celebrated his birthday.
Somehow, that seems perfect.

It's bittersweet. I'm glad  my body is entirely mine once again (after almost 2 years, between pregnancy and breastfeeding), and I'm glad we met the one year goal. I'm proud that I stuck with it and gave that gift to myself and my child... But I'm sad too-- X is the one who made the decision, who let us know that he didn't need or want me to nourish him anymore. It's the first of many times over the course of our lives where X is going to show me that he doesn't need his mama-- he's growing up.